Stephen Goldin by The Last Ghost & Other Stories

Author:The Last Ghost & Other Stories [Ghost, The Last & Stories, Other]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2012-07-03T13:40:09+00:00

BRIEFLETS IN THE NEWS

The Australian government announced final victory today in its decades-long battle against rabbits. The main weapon? Superbunnies! “A superbunny,” explained Dr. Ronald Smith, “father” of the breed, “is a specially designed genetic strain. No ordinary male rabbit can compete with it sexually, because it exudes a musk that is absolutely irresistible to female rabbits. Along with this is the fact that superbunnies are superpotent and can monopolize the sexual attentions of the females.” The kicker? “The superbunnies are sterile. You might say they’re long on promises and short on delivery.”

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UPI — The Irish Republican Army took credit for the bombing of a pharmacy in downtown Dublin yesterday. An IRA spokesman announced it was the start of their campaign to keep contraceptives out of Ireland and restore the land to its old virtues …

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“I learned about birth control very early at home. My father kept telling me he wished they’d had it when he got married!”

Bernie Porter

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… And the news from Tehran today is increasingly pessimistic. Spokesmen for the Traditionalists say that their people will continue to riot in the streets of the city until the government repeals the monogamy law. Government officials are maintaining a hard line and a low profile. They repeat their assertion that the law is necessary to check Iran’s suddenly burgeoning population, even though it violates the tenets of Islamic faith, and they insist they will maintain order at all costs.

The regular army has been called out to take charge after the local police proved incapable of dealing with the violence. So far, more than seventy persons have died in the week-long unrest in the Irani capital…

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I think that I shall never see A baby lovely as a tree.

A baby feeding at the breast

Is stealing food from all the rest.

And in some future time it may Become a parent in its day.

While trees rejuvenate the air,

And shelter Nature’s creatures there.

It’s man who claims to have a brain,

Yet causes ecologic strain.

Babies are coming constantly; Will no man stop to save a tree? (From a pamphlet by the American Conservation Society)

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“You know, if they really wanted birth control, they’d simply outlaw aspirin. Then the girls could have as many headaches as they wanted.”

Bernie Porter

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… And on the Hollywood scene, Raymond Ingskell announced that she wds going to sue her gynecologist for malpractice, claiming that her dnnudl implant did not work properly. The baby’s father, director Cesdre ltd.no, was not available for comment.

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AP — South Africa-Rhodesia may be in for some turmoil before the week is out. According to government spokesmen, rabble-rousers have been at work again on the white reservations, stirring the populace to the point of open rebellion.

“We recognize that there are problems in the biracial atmosphere of our countries/’ said one official off-the-record. “That’s why we’ve put the whites in those special reservations, so that we can guard them more efficiently from the sometimes rash acts of the black majority. We have only their own interests at heart, yet they persist in misinterpreting our efforts.

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